I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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