Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
