dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
