And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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