Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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