i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Let's get the cat blown out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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