hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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