someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
