you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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