turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
