Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
