just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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