i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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