Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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