I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
