its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She told me I should be a condom model.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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