Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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