and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is wine microwaveable?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
