Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
