so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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