so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
