I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
