I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
