Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
