You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My ass is underappreciated
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
