i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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