3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
