I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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