so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
