I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
