apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
