So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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