I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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