So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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