You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
