If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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