Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
