I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
