I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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