im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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