First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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