Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
