yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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