you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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