Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
