my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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