Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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