So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
