Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
