whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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