I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
