Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
