Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
