quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
